The renewed discussion over same sex marriage got me thinking about marriage in general. It surprises many people who deal with me on a daily basis to know that I am all for it, for the most part. The thing is, it has to be for the right reasons between the right people; achieving those two circumstances is the challenging part, and I believe it takes an amazing amount of wisdom and maybe luck to realize when everything is aligned thus.
As simplistic as it may seem, here are some reasons I think don't pass muster: seems like a good idea (as opposed to something that you just have to do), you don't think you'll meet anyone better, you're tired of being single, it will end your money worries, people expect you to have gotten married by now. People you probably may be tempted to marry but probably shouldn't: anyone you've known less than six months, someone who is so unlike you that the novelty is probably what it driving your interest in them, someone who seems like your type but you don't have a spark for and are pretty sure you eventually will have a spark for.
Now, my opinion (and my opinion only) on what marriage should be: (Recall, if you will, that I do enjoy writing fiction so that may account for some of these notions) When you are with someone and you realize you are so much happier with them than without; that you trust them with your life, your future and your heart. You trust them to put you ahead of anyone else, including their own pride. When you feel that missing piece is finally in place. When you feel alive in ways you hadn't ever imagined, unless it was to imagine what it would be like to have carbonation running through your blood. When you are patient in ways and to lengths you are in no other situation. When even though it may never actually be that neat and tidy ending you dream about, you will still feel the same way because you...just do, and to fight against it would be as gainful as arguing with sand.
I suppose because of my experiences both in my own marriage and those of other people I have known, I have a pretty strong feeling about this. But no one ever said there was anything wrong in knowing what you want or asking for it, for that matter. It certainly helps to know what one doesn't want. I'd rather be single forever than in the kind of marriage I was in or in one like some other people I've known. No settling.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Bad Auto-Mojo
Though it could be worse.
Last Wednesday as I drove to work I heard some noise that sounded like something caught in one of the wheel wells, but by the time I got to work I was so bummed about the day ahead that it slipped my mind. On my way home, I kept hearing it and pulled over, finding that one of the tires was nearly flat. I pulled into the first service station I could find that had air, and after a tense five minutes of searching for three quarters to start the air machine, filled the tire. Friday I went out to go to work and the tire was nearly flat again, so I figured there was no hope for it. Indeed the tire was not fixable, so I ended up having to get two new tires. Which really, really, was not in the budget for the week.
Saturday I am driving home from a lovely day at work filled with even more inane questions than usual, and am stopped at a light. Suddenly there is this BAMMM. My whole body feels slammed (and not in a fun way). I look around in shock and realize after a few moments that I've been hit from the rear. I put the car in park and shakily get out to inspect the damage. Luckily there was none. Whew! Turns out a nimrod twenty-something guy was took his eyes off the road to look for something on the floor. Apparently his passenger also had more pressing things to do than watch the road. Information was exchanged and I went home, nervous as to what this would do to me physically, considering the wonderful state my neck and shoulders are in. So far, not as bad as expected but feeling run over.
Kinda not wanting to go near the car for a few days.
Last Wednesday as I drove to work I heard some noise that sounded like something caught in one of the wheel wells, but by the time I got to work I was so bummed about the day ahead that it slipped my mind. On my way home, I kept hearing it and pulled over, finding that one of the tires was nearly flat. I pulled into the first service station I could find that had air, and after a tense five minutes of searching for three quarters to start the air machine, filled the tire. Friday I went out to go to work and the tire was nearly flat again, so I figured there was no hope for it. Indeed the tire was not fixable, so I ended up having to get two new tires. Which really, really, was not in the budget for the week.
Saturday I am driving home from a lovely day at work filled with even more inane questions than usual, and am stopped at a light. Suddenly there is this BAMMM. My whole body feels slammed (and not in a fun way). I look around in shock and realize after a few moments that I've been hit from the rear. I put the car in park and shakily get out to inspect the damage. Luckily there was none. Whew! Turns out a nimrod twenty-something guy was took his eyes off the road to look for something on the floor. Apparently his passenger also had more pressing things to do than watch the road. Information was exchanged and I went home, nervous as to what this would do to me physically, considering the wonderful state my neck and shoulders are in. So far, not as bad as expected but feeling run over.
Kinda not wanting to go near the car for a few days.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Doomed to Repeat...
It is hockey playoff time, and though I haven't been able to follow it as closely this year as I have in years past, I did manage to catch a game Sunday, Game 6 of Capitals vs. Rangers. I did watch with the sound off as I can't tolerate Doc Emerick anymore.
I watched the Caps for many years, and a good friend in years past was like the uber Caps fan, and every year, or nearly every year, I had to watch as the Caps would get far enough in the playoff to get one's hopes up, only to choke at a crucial moment. One exception was the season they did manage to get to the finals, but choked there. This year looks to be the going along that route- they have forced a Game 7, which is like heroin to a Caps fan. I almost can feel the stirrings of wanting to root for them, but I will be strong! I will not get sucked in!
I watched the Caps for many years, and a good friend in years past was like the uber Caps fan, and every year, or nearly every year, I had to watch as the Caps would get far enough in the playoff to get one's hopes up, only to choke at a crucial moment. One exception was the season they did manage to get to the finals, but choked there. This year looks to be the going along that route- they have forced a Game 7, which is like heroin to a Caps fan. I almost can feel the stirrings of wanting to root for them, but I will be strong! I will not get sucked in!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Shark Jumping?
One of my favorite shows has been "Bones," despite the attempts of the network it is on to utterly confuse me in my efforts to find it (foiled by tiVo! ha!). This season has been been rocky, though, which I suppose was somewhat to be expected with the cast shake up caused by one of the characters being shown to be an apprentice to a serial killer and sent to prison. So they have had a rotating series of "replacement Zaks," which was entertaining at first.
It seems to me, though, that over the past few months the series has gotten away from where it started, and not in a positive way. For some reason, the character of Temperance Brennan has become almost cartoonish: her lack of social skills has really passed beyond believable to the point where she seems almost tolerated or even indulged because of her amazing intellect (shades of House?) However, this past week saw some shenanigans which I cannot imagine Brennan of other seasons involved in-- she is going to the wake of a Jeffersonian colleague, and from her behavior you would think it is the first one she has ever been to-- and comes to believe that the deceased has been murdered due to some visual clues apparent at the open coffin viewing. She gets Booth to sneak the body out of the home and transported to the lab for tests. The same Brennan who always turned up her nose if a victim had flesh? Who insisted that she only worked with bones? And Booth not only goes along with it, but steals cash from the deceased's pocket. What?
It seems to me, though, that over the past few months the series has gotten away from where it started, and not in a positive way. For some reason, the character of Temperance Brennan has become almost cartoonish: her lack of social skills has really passed beyond believable to the point where she seems almost tolerated or even indulged because of her amazing intellect (shades of House?) However, this past week saw some shenanigans which I cannot imagine Brennan of other seasons involved in-- she is going to the wake of a Jeffersonian colleague, and from her behavior you would think it is the first one she has ever been to-- and comes to believe that the deceased has been murdered due to some visual clues apparent at the open coffin viewing. She gets Booth to sneak the body out of the home and transported to the lab for tests. The same Brennan who always turned up her nose if a victim had flesh? Who insisted that she only worked with bones? And Booth not only goes along with it, but steals cash from the deceased's pocket. What?
Sunday, April 19, 2009
"Proof of Life"
This weekend I have been getting some rest and escapism as well as cleaning and trying to not admit that my allergies are acting up. I finished watching Season 2 of "House" on DVD and have had to wait on watching Season 3 because the first episode/disc was out,and I hate watching them out of order.
One of the Season 2 episodes, "No Reason," really had some elements that hit home. It's a complicated story but the upshot is that a man shoots the title character and in the aftermath a medical decision is made that causes him to not have the pain in his leg (at least temporarily) but causes him to not be as smart as usual. I was identifying with it all over the place. I think I would do almost anything to avoid another brain injury or further malfunction. It kinda bummed me out. I also had a random thought--House, playing blues on his guitar and with his leg problems reminded me of Joe Dawson from "Highlander," with his blues guitar playing and leg problems. I have to say that House is probably a but more interesting a character, though. I caught another episode, "Half-Wit" in which a decision has to be made whether to do surgery on a savant which would make him "normal" and also take away his gift. If I had had the choice, I would rather keep a gift than be normal and not have it. Of course, that's just me. When you feel that a certain ability is what defines you, to lose that ability really screws with your head.
So I rented "Proof of Life," with Russell Crowe and Meg Ryan. As anyone who knows me is aware, I love Russell Crowe's movies. I do not like Meg Ryan. So it was just for the experience of broadening my Crowe knowledge that I watched it.
The story is that Crowe is a K & R expert (kidnapping and ransom) who works for a large insurance company. Ryan is the wife of a do-gooding engineer who works for an oil company. Ryan and hubby are down in South America where he is supposed to be building a dam, while their marriage implodes. I did not have any real empathy or interest in either Ryan or the hubby because they seemed pretty whiny. Hubby is kidnapped and Crowe is brought in to help rescue him, until it turns out that the oil company has let their kidnapping insurance lapse. So Meg is up the creek, especially since Hubby's strident sister turns up to raise money and "help." When Crowe goes to leave, I felt like saying "I'm right there with you" or, "not a moment too soon!"
For reasons which never are clear or believable to me, Crowe returns to try to rescue/ransom hubby. He succeeds. The more I see hubby and Ryan, the more I don't care. They were that annoying. Crowe is heroic, saving the husband of the woman he loves (eye-rolling) then going off into the sunset. It was a good tale, and Crowe was great, but...sheesh. There's one scene where Ryan slaps Crowe and it seemed so fake that I was amazed. Also, and this may be petty, but it really looked in one seen as if Ryan's one eye was swollen shut or something, and i could not get the image of what she looks like now out of my mind. To me, the movie would have been a lot more satisfying if I could have rooted for the rescue to suceed for reasons other than Crowe's character's success. I really did not care if hubby ever escaped or if his feet got better. It also got me wondering how the family was able to raise the six hundred thousand for the ransom. The movie, in short, got me wondering a bunch of things but none which were probably what was intended.
It did get me thinking and wondering why Crowe never seems to play villains. Maybe it is because it is harder to play good (if conflicted) guys. It's probably a good thing--I don't know if my heart could take it to watch him play a villain.
Also, in the movie there were references to the bad guys providing "proof of life" to the family, usually having the victim hold up a recent newspaper. I guess it got me thinking about the difference between being alive and living. One can go through the motives, breathe, interact with others, yet on a certain level not really be alive. There ought to be a term for that, what people do after what makes them truly live ( a person, a passion, hope, whatever it might be) has disappeared.
One of the Season 2 episodes, "No Reason," really had some elements that hit home. It's a complicated story but the upshot is that a man shoots the title character and in the aftermath a medical decision is made that causes him to not have the pain in his leg (at least temporarily) but causes him to not be as smart as usual. I was identifying with it all over the place. I think I would do almost anything to avoid another brain injury or further malfunction. It kinda bummed me out. I also had a random thought--House, playing blues on his guitar and with his leg problems reminded me of Joe Dawson from "Highlander," with his blues guitar playing and leg problems. I have to say that House is probably a but more interesting a character, though. I caught another episode, "Half-Wit" in which a decision has to be made whether to do surgery on a savant which would make him "normal" and also take away his gift. If I had had the choice, I would rather keep a gift than be normal and not have it. Of course, that's just me. When you feel that a certain ability is what defines you, to lose that ability really screws with your head.
So I rented "Proof of Life," with Russell Crowe and Meg Ryan. As anyone who knows me is aware, I love Russell Crowe's movies. I do not like Meg Ryan. So it was just for the experience of broadening my Crowe knowledge that I watched it.
The story is that Crowe is a K & R expert (kidnapping and ransom) who works for a large insurance company. Ryan is the wife of a do-gooding engineer who works for an oil company. Ryan and hubby are down in South America where he is supposed to be building a dam, while their marriage implodes. I did not have any real empathy or interest in either Ryan or the hubby because they seemed pretty whiny. Hubby is kidnapped and Crowe is brought in to help rescue him, until it turns out that the oil company has let their kidnapping insurance lapse. So Meg is up the creek, especially since Hubby's strident sister turns up to raise money and "help." When Crowe goes to leave, I felt like saying "I'm right there with you" or, "not a moment too soon!"
For reasons which never are clear or believable to me, Crowe returns to try to rescue/ransom hubby. He succeeds. The more I see hubby and Ryan, the more I don't care. They were that annoying. Crowe is heroic, saving the husband of the woman he loves (eye-rolling) then going off into the sunset. It was a good tale, and Crowe was great, but...sheesh. There's one scene where Ryan slaps Crowe and it seemed so fake that I was amazed. Also, and this may be petty, but it really looked in one seen as if Ryan's one eye was swollen shut or something, and i could not get the image of what she looks like now out of my mind. To me, the movie would have been a lot more satisfying if I could have rooted for the rescue to suceed for reasons other than Crowe's character's success. I really did not care if hubby ever escaped or if his feet got better. It also got me wondering how the family was able to raise the six hundred thousand for the ransom. The movie, in short, got me wondering a bunch of things but none which were probably what was intended.
It did get me thinking and wondering why Crowe never seems to play villains. Maybe it is because it is harder to play good (if conflicted) guys. It's probably a good thing--I don't know if my heart could take it to watch him play a villain.
Also, in the movie there were references to the bad guys providing "proof of life" to the family, usually having the victim hold up a recent newspaper. I guess it got me thinking about the difference between being alive and living. One can go through the motives, breathe, interact with others, yet on a certain level not really be alive. There ought to be a term for that, what people do after what makes them truly live ( a person, a passion, hope, whatever it might be) has disappeared.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Too old? Technology and Movie Moods
This past week, through a series of odd circumstances, I had my first dealings with Facebook. Obviously I had heard of it, but I had never gone on it or even looked at it. I'm not the most social-able of people, and I figure if someone wants to get ahold of me they can email me or call my cell. Also, I spend all day on a computer at work so I really don't excited about the idea of coming home to interact with people on the computer even more.
So I reluctantly and sceptically signed on and was almost immediately...what's the word? Perplexed. It seems that one can do a kind of IM on it as well as a bulletin board style interaction. Well, this isn't my first rodeo when it comes to IM'ing, so I was very, very hesitant to get involved with anything that could involve my blurting out things in a written form that I can't easily take back when I think better of it. I found too that it seems like there are lots of things you can do as far as hooking it to other things like pictures and websites and stuff. Since that seems to involve reading instructions, I am not sure that is for me.
Ultimately I think the fault lies not in Facebook but in me. Anyone who wants to reach me knows how, anyone who doesn't want to reach me but just find out about me is not really someone really think needs to know what I am up to.
Or maybe I am just in the midst of my usual April grumps. Seems like every year, or most years, something goes awry in April, a phenomenon noticed since the early 1980s. "April is the cruellest month," said Eliot, and I think he knew what he was talking about. For one thing there is the false promise of spring, with its "new beginnings" and sprouting buds and whatnot. It'll all just wither away eventually.
I have also taken to describing my moods in terms of Star Wars movies. When I am really down, I am in an "Empire Strikes Back" mood, whereas if I am feeling really hopeful (very rare) and content, it is a "New Hope" mood. If I am feeling content but still slightly wistful and world-weary, that is a "Return of the Jedi" mood. If, as has been the case much recently, I am in a lot of pain and also depressed, that is definitely a "Revenge of the Sith" mood.
So I reluctantly and sceptically signed on and was almost immediately...what's the word? Perplexed. It seems that one can do a kind of IM on it as well as a bulletin board style interaction. Well, this isn't my first rodeo when it comes to IM'ing, so I was very, very hesitant to get involved with anything that could involve my blurting out things in a written form that I can't easily take back when I think better of it. I found too that it seems like there are lots of things you can do as far as hooking it to other things like pictures and websites and stuff. Since that seems to involve reading instructions, I am not sure that is for me.
Ultimately I think the fault lies not in Facebook but in me. Anyone who wants to reach me knows how, anyone who doesn't want to reach me but just find out about me is not really someone really think needs to know what I am up to.
Or maybe I am just in the midst of my usual April grumps. Seems like every year, or most years, something goes awry in April, a phenomenon noticed since the early 1980s. "April is the cruellest month," said Eliot, and I think he knew what he was talking about. For one thing there is the false promise of spring, with its "new beginnings" and sprouting buds and whatnot. It'll all just wither away eventually.
I have also taken to describing my moods in terms of Star Wars movies. When I am really down, I am in an "Empire Strikes Back" mood, whereas if I am feeling really hopeful (very rare) and content, it is a "New Hope" mood. If I am feeling content but still slightly wistful and world-weary, that is a "Return of the Jedi" mood. If, as has been the case much recently, I am in a lot of pain and also depressed, that is definitely a "Revenge of the Sith" mood.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
"House"
So awhile ago, someone with similar tastes to mine raved about this show "House" which I had heard of but never seen. First, it is a medical show, which I like only slightly better than cop shows, and secondly I usually avoid anything that popular just on principle. I watched an episode or two and decided that it was entertaining. My main issue, such as it was, against the show was that I felt intense jealousy that I can't as open with my sentiments at work and elsewhere as the title character is. Not and keep my job, that is.
I watched the first season on DVD and enjoyed the twists, which reminded me of those on "Law and Order: SVU." I did find that it was rather predictable after awhile, but because of the character study I wasn't bothered by the consistent arc of the show. I also try to put aside how the show feeds my fear about having some bizarre illness which no one can figure out (a well justified fear given some of my past medical issues).
I have watched just a few episodes from this current season, mainly because it is on opposite "The Big Bang Theory,"which is my favorite show and also because of being estranged from the person who recommended it to me in the first place. This latest episode had the usual mystery illness(es) but also a big shocker in that one of House's staff is found after committing suicide. Every one is shocked! No one saw it coming! People cannot believe that there were "no signs." I don't know why there is this, for a lack of a better word or two, imposed naievete about potential and realized suicides.
I think that if a person is that steeped in misery or that filled with emptiness, they are not going to exhibit any of the traditional warning signs or ask for help because if they felt as if any one could make a difference (or maybe more importantly, would make a difference) they would not be so miserable in the first place. I think when you reach that point, I believe you feel as if there is no reason to even discuss your state of mind because you have felt that way for so long that there is no hope that anything is going to change it. Or the situation that would make life worth living is so unlikely to occur that it is totally infeasible and maybe even itself a trigger to feel that way. I think someone who gets to that point often has truly given up on hope of things improving, and I think that the very lack of hope might be such a...taunting condition that itself causes the feeling of just wanting to stop feeling that. I think that there are things that happen to people that either can't get fixed or don't get fixed, whether it is chronic physical pain, chronic emotional pain, financial issues, for example. There isn't always a happy or even neutral ending.
But what do I know?
I watched the first season on DVD and enjoyed the twists, which reminded me of those on "Law and Order: SVU." I did find that it was rather predictable after awhile, but because of the character study I wasn't bothered by the consistent arc of the show. I also try to put aside how the show feeds my fear about having some bizarre illness which no one can figure out (a well justified fear given some of my past medical issues).
I have watched just a few episodes from this current season, mainly because it is on opposite "The Big Bang Theory,"which is my favorite show and also because of being estranged from the person who recommended it to me in the first place. This latest episode had the usual mystery illness(es) but also a big shocker in that one of House's staff is found after committing suicide. Every one is shocked! No one saw it coming! People cannot believe that there were "no signs." I don't know why there is this, for a lack of a better word or two, imposed naievete about potential and realized suicides.
I think that if a person is that steeped in misery or that filled with emptiness, they are not going to exhibit any of the traditional warning signs or ask for help because if they felt as if any one could make a difference (or maybe more importantly, would make a difference) they would not be so miserable in the first place. I think when you reach that point, I believe you feel as if there is no reason to even discuss your state of mind because you have felt that way for so long that there is no hope that anything is going to change it. Or the situation that would make life worth living is so unlikely to occur that it is totally infeasible and maybe even itself a trigger to feel that way. I think someone who gets to that point often has truly given up on hope of things improving, and I think that the very lack of hope might be such a...taunting condition that itself causes the feeling of just wanting to stop feeling that. I think that there are things that happen to people that either can't get fixed or don't get fixed, whether it is chronic physical pain, chronic emotional pain, financial issues, for example. There isn't always a happy or even neutral ending.
But what do I know?
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