Kel's DreamWorld...Breakfast Cereals of Yore

I am often chagrined as I grocery shop because new items replace "old"ones very quickly anymore. An example: for years I drank Hi-C Fruit Punch or Orange Drink with my breakfast. I would have continued doing so indefinitely but I found I could simply not locate it in the stores anymore. One of the things I constantly grouse about is the grocery store near me (the limited selection and difficulty in finding items being my main complaints) so I thought it was just that store out to piss me off again. I went to two other grocery store chains, in addition to Target and Walmart. Walmart for anything is always a dire last resort. In any event, the only Hi-C product now available seems to be this "sport drink" size little bottles, which seems not only environmentally irresponsible to use at least one of these a day, but also highly annoying.

With much reluctance I eventually settled on Crystal Light Sunrise Orange drink. It came in the 64 ounce size that lasted me a reasonable amount of time, much like the Hi-C had. It seemed to have the added benefit of being low or no cal, which is not something I generally concern myself but is an added bonus if it applies to something I like. Not even two months after I switched to the Crystal Light, it too disappeared from the shelves. While trying not to wonder if I am personally the kiss of death for products, I was puzzled and annoyed. The only Crystal Light I could find was either in smallish (but not as small as the Hi-C drinks) bottles or in the powdered mix. I tried the mix, because it seemed "greener." That was a disaster. It never would mix properly and was very grainy. So back to the beginning.


On the shelves where previously I had found my breakfast beverages of choice now appear outlandish, faddish concoctions in odd sizes. Six different variations of cranberry juice- all from one maker. Variations on V-8, which in my opinion is the most vile liquid on earth. A plethora of "sports drinks" designed to hydrate and/or energize one. I don't really want to be hydrated or energized when I first get up. I just want to eat my food, have it settle properly and not get hungry two hours later. (Readers may wonder why I just don't have traditional breakfast drinks such as orange juice or coffee, and that is due to a sensitive stomach. I can't tolerate anything with a high juice content very well in the afternoon, let alone first thing on an empty stomach.)

I recently came across an online article about "terrible" breakfast cereals from the early 70-80s. There was a country song not too long ago with an excellent theme- about how when we were growing up we ate sugared cereals, didn't wear knee pads or helmets for the simplest of sports, stood on the back seat urging whatever parent to drive faster- which rings true. I personally ate many "awful" foods as a child (and still do, actually) yet I have been told repeatedly how good my bones and blood work look. My bones are not rotting from the inside out, not are my mental processes failing because of lack of eating fruit and vegetables everyday. (If anyone wanted to deter me from crime, all they would have to do is threaten me with a healthy diet.That would definitely scare me straight)

Many of these "terrible" cereals on the website were quite familiar to me and I have long rued their passing:

1. FREAKIES. These were great tasting and had an extensive storyline attached. There were several "freakies" creatures with distinguishng attributes both physical and personality wise,and they all lived in the Freakie Tree. There was a song or jingle which went, "We are the freakies/we are the freakies/we live in the Freakie Tree." Unfortunately I cannot recall the rest but it was catchy. The prizes in the box were great. Either you got a little plastic statue of one of the Freakies or the special prize offered at the time. One was a Freakiemobile, in which you put whichever statue in the car, and it had a little balloon apparatus which you pressed and the car would take off across the floor. The prizes always seemed very cool and creative. The cereal itself tasted somewhat like Captain Crunch, but in my opinion, better.
2. KABOOM. This is the one with the non-scary, friendly clown on the front and the cereal was different flavors of little smiling faces. It tasted decent. It was, again, the era of cool stuff or offers and I got a very nice U.S. Map for sending in some great amount of box tops.
3. CRAZY COW. The selling point of this cereal was that it would turn the milk in your bowl the same flavor as the cereal, which came in strawberry or chocolate. I liked it because it seemed like a good idea, but then it seemed as if one was expected to drink the milk left over. While I have seen people do this (with other cereals) over the years, I just cannot bring myself to. It would be like drinking milk after dunking Oreos in it. Yeccch!
4. COOKIE CRISPS. For some reason I remember this involving a wizard character. The cereal may still be out, but I think I ate it towards the late 1970's. The cereal really was like little chocolate chip cookies and actually tasted better with milk, which I personally don't think cookies do, unless they are the above-mentioned Oreos.
5. PRODUCT 19. This disappeared just a few years ago, which was annoying because it was one of the only healthy things I liked. I often brought it to work and ate it for lunch (no milk) which caused much comment and wonderment from my colleagues. And I'm sorry, but Special K and Corn Flakes are NOT the same.
   

I think today's kids really missed out on delicious cereals with cool prizes inside. The only cereals I have in my cabinets now are: Cheerios (plain), Count Chocula or Boo Berry, and occasionally Crunchberries. Since they stopped making the crunchberry element as little balls, I have avoided it. Trix used to have their various flavors in little balls and when they switched to having it shaped the same as the fruit it tastes like, it was never as good.

Cereals I used to eat but never liked, and in fact hate, to varying degrees:

1. Special K. It looks and tastes like some one's skin that has flaked off after a bad sunburn.
2. Cocoa Pebbles/ Fruity Pebbles: same as Special K but strangely hard and, well, pebble like.
3. Corn Pops. These are good if you get them fresh and eat the whole box within 2 days. After that there is no saving them.
   
4. Anything with nuts, berries or any ingredient ending in -ix.
5. Lucky Charms- Because it used to be awesome but then they started messing with the marshmallows.
6. AlphaBits. I like the fact that there are letters, which promotes reading, but they taste like twigs. Old twigs.
   

It is more of a challenge to have a "great day" when you have to forage for food you like!